Wednesday, June 24, 2009
no time to hesitate.
I got into a fight with my mom early this week and it came to the point where both of us were crying rivers. It was very unusual and uncomfortable. "Everytime you come in here with a problem, I'm here for you. But what about me? Who do I have?" Is what she said about my outings and never being here. I am here. She also said she could never sleep at night because she kept wondering what she did wrong with us. "God said for me to raise this family as strongly as I can, and I will get a reward. But you are giving me nothing to keep me going." I kept saying I'm sorry I'm sorry. But she kept ignoring and ignoring! She left me downstairs, pushing my guilt deeper into my thoughts.

I had to call Ms. Jack to calm myself down.. God I felt so fucking childish and lame. But the 10 minute conversation did turn out to calm me down, and it also kept me thinking back to what I possibly could have done blindsightedly to make my mom feel this way. It's slowly resolving now.. at least I think so. "You just have to give it time and trust that your momma will come back to you." As said by Ms. Jack.

School's done. But that doesn't stop my meetings! It's okay, I enjoy them. Sort of. Tomorrow is the BBQ for next years grade nines. So the people involved all have to be at school by nine.We play games with them, give them tours and make them familiar with the people and environment around them. Sound fun? Sorta kinda. Here's the thing, each group has about 10-15 kids, and two leaders. Bad thing is I'm by myself for the whole morning. Do you even know how terrifying taking care of shy, scared kids are? What if they don't listen, what if they think I'm lame. What if they don't even come?

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